Approaching the Birthday
It is natural to reflect on the approaching birthday. The past
year was emotional and fulfilled with sorrow and loss. The year changed the status
and the arrangement of existence. Not all changes are needed and wanted. Not
all changes are welcome. Sometimes, change steers the feelings and fears. It
takes courage to admit those feelings.
In reality, I am not alone, even it often feels that way
right now. Many people experience loneliness and fear, especially around
milestones like birthdays.
Sometimes, talking out our feelings can help us feel more
connected and less alone. I guess I feel disconnected from the surrounding
reality by fantasizing, naivety, and being short minded lost in my personal
thoughts. Also, I feel vulnerable and fragile. It should be a reason that I
attract fears as I risk my damaged heart.
It could not be that I am right, and the entire world around
me is wrong. It is opposite: I do not fit the new century. I am keep going forward
with old fashion values. I overgrow my clothes; my old fashion clothes are out
of style. I am keep going, and it is laughable to Gen Z.
Meantime, I am holding down to something stable and common
like air, water, a view of a tree, sneaky ants; also, something that is time to
throughout not keep. It is trash to everyone not me. What can I let go of? – Everything and
nothing. Change and time occur but I stay in a different dimension. Possibly,
there is a reason: a place for everyone at the table.
It is important to be able to look on self from
a side in an introspective and honest way. It takes courage to acknowledge our vulnerabilities
and feelings of not fitting in. What would I do say to someone in my shoes? Conceivably,
remember that everyone has their unique perspective and values. Just because
the person holds ‘old fashion’ values, they are less valuable or relevant. In
fact, many people are rediscovering the importance of traditional values in today’s
fast-paced world. It is okay to stand out from the crowd and not conform to society
norms. Embracing my individuality and staying true to myself both are what truly
matters. Maybe I should not be too hard on myself and compare my values and
style to others. I am who I am, and that is something to be proud of.
Approaching my next birthday, I used words that felt like
needed to be said for self-insurance to keep going. Sometimes, kind words are
like a pot of gold. The words could be like a warm hug and respect. The kind words
are like a gentle covered blanket of the body of existence.
Looking back on my life, the progress I made, my shy
beginnings and successes, learning lessons, and hard work, I am concentrating
on the story. Why do I need the storytelling? The answer is in retrospective
chain of events from yesterdays. By now, biologically, I have more years in the
past than years left to live for. Reflecting on the concept of storytelling
connects to the experiences accumulated from the past, memories, and the
passage of time. A story indeed could be seen as a narrative that weaves
together moments from the past. This so-called chain of events forms the fabric
of our personal histories of space and time.
Having more years behind than ahead is a perspective of two
ends, poignant and empowering. Life has both blessings and richness while
recognizing the finite nature of time assigned here for everyone on our home planet
Earth, keeps all of us going. Time handle only goes forward in one direction.
Sometimes, the ability to look back at the stories and poems
distills lessons, wisdom or insides that are needed to move forward. I hope that
they treasure a trove of knowledge, love, and adventure. Good stories find the pathway
to be shared with others, to stay alive, and survive time.
Tomshinsky@2025
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